ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
