I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
