need another drink. this is the easiest way
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
