The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
