if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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