Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
