is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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