Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
