My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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