My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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