im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
