No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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