Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
