It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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