Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
