I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
