Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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