Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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