I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
