How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
