I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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