There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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