Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
