I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
