The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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