i wish my penis had a tongue
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
