I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
