i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
