omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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