What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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