I CAN MOONWALK!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize