My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
