So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
