take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
