It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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