It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
