I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room