Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everclear isn't food dammit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
