she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat