Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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