Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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