he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
