Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
