If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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