I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
