I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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