Dual....:-)
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
