eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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