Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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