Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
