sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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