Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
