Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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