I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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