Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
