I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
