Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
