you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
