he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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