My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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