apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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