Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
