Whod you bang
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i think im in europe. pls send help
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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