Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
