is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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